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A Mother Speaks about Her Toddler, Screentime, and Virtual Autism

Toddler plays alone on tablet

Robin thought she was “being Super Mom” as she made nice dinners and tidied her midwestern U.S. home, with her toddler son quietly sitting nearby watching made-for-babies TV. She didn’t know that by letting him watch so often, he was developing the newly described condition termed “Virtual Autism.”

Took a While to Realize

For weeks, Robin rationalized the changes she saw, but finally had to admit something was wrong. Her formerly happy, lively 14-month-old had stopped having eye contact, no longer said words, and began to display hand-flapping, spinning and other autistic-like symptoms.

“The big one was,” she recalls, “he had stopped answering to his name.”

As she searched her mind, it dawned on her that he was a bit more sociable and “himself” on days the TV was off. She thought about how much he’d been watching the online baby show, CoComelon. He started in the COVID lockdown and it became a habit over the months. He typically watched about two hours a day.  

Going to the computer, she searched the words “screentime,” “toddlers”, and “autism.” That’s when she found The Durable Human post on Virtual Autism.

“The next day,” she recalls, “we stopped screentime.”

Origins of Virtual Autism

The Romanian clinical psychologist Marius Zamfir first named the condition that can emerge among toddlers who watch multiple hours of screen media on a daily basis. As Zamfir has stated, “I used the word ‘virtual’ in the naming because there is a direct causal link between excessive consumption (over 4-5 hours per day) of virtual environment (smartphone, tablet, TV, laptop, etc.) and ASD-specific behaviors [among children 0 to 3 years].”

Zamfir also pioneered the treatment: to stop the child’s exposure to all screens and greatly increase interaction with parents and other caring people. The intervention includes much more face-to-face and eye contact, talking, and physical play with real toys and children—indoors and out.

As Zamfir explains, “The younger the age in problem identification, the faster the problems go away.”

Pediatricians and psychologists from France, the U.S., Israel, Iran, and Thailand now study and treat children with the screen-induced syndrome and are cited on the website autismandscreens.org.

The World Health Organization advises there should be no screen media for children under two years old due to their extremely rapid and sensitive brain development, as well as need for physical activity and affection.  

Screentime Stopped, Skill-building Started

Robin and her son’s pediatrician agreed that removing screens couldn’t hurt. They saw improvement almost immediately.

In just the first week, Robin says, “his waving came back within a few days…all of a sudden he was very clingy with me, which was out of the norm and very reassuring to me and eye contact wasn’t where it should be, but it was there—definitely.”

After that, she began to work with her son to improve every developmental skill that was absent or lacking when he took the M-CHAT toddler screening questionnaire for autism spectrum disorder.

A Long Path Back

Recovery took months. “The screen removal was the easy part,” she told The Durable Human in an interview. “The hard part was the constant high-quality social interaction.”

Robin never gave up. “Since the progress started so rapidly, it was kind of instant gratification for me. It was very inspiring. And I also had this idea that this is my one shot. I don’t have another option.”

She worried her son needed extra help regaining his speech. “His receptive language was just nothing and he didn’t say anything. So even though he really wanted to be social, he could not talk or comprehend.”

After five months of speech therapy, Robin proudly reports, “He graduated! The communicative language words he speaks is within the threshold of normal for a two-year-old and his receptive language is considered advanced.”

The Miracle of No Screentime

The little boy’s doctors are astounded at his progress, as is Robin herself: “A miracle. it’s like I saw a miracle.”

She calls it “the greatest blessing in disguise. I mean, with screens just not being an option, it really frees you from that crutch.”

She and her son now are both more “present,” in her word. “The screens almost made it feel like, instead of living and enjoying the day, it felt like I was just getting through the day. Like this was a balm or a drug or a time-eater, just to whittle away the day. I feel so empowered now that I’ve done it without screens and I know I can do it. I feel like endless possibilities.”

A Warning about Early and Often Screentime

Robin, who had been following information about babies, toddlers and screens that is shared on The Durable Human blog and YouTube Channel, volunteered to tell her story because she wants to give the world this message:

“Families need to know that, even though heavy screen use is normalized in our society, that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Lead paint was once called safe, asbestos was called safe, cars didn’t have seat belts—and that doesn’t mean it was okay.

This heavy screen use in society is fairly recent. Its effects on the human mind—on our children—hasn’t really been fully realized yet. And just because you aren’t being warned explicitly at every doctor’s appointment, or by parents that came before you, or other parents—that doesn’t mean the danger isn’t there.”

“Wrong to Keep it to Myself”

Robin’s second child was expected days after she spoke with The Durable Human. Having her hands fuller won’t stop her from spreading the word about the effects of early and often screen viewing. 

“I don’t feel that I would be being a good human being to keep this to myself. That’s why I agreed to this interview and any subsequent anything. It would be wrong to keep this to myself.”

Here’s a 49-second trailer from the interview:

About the author: Jenifer Joy Madden is a certified Digital Wellness educator, health journalist, and founder of DurableHuman.com and Durable U online parent education. She wrote How To Be a Durable Human: Revive and Thrive in the Digital Age Through the Power of Self-Design and is the mother of three grownup practicing durable humans.

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Mang

Hi Robin,

I am working mom from India and have a daughter who is now 33 months now (almost 3 years). My daughter was exposed to screentime from 8 months to 2 years for at least 5 hours per day. And we realized her delay in speech, and she was not responding to her name or following commands. She also occasionally started toe walking and aggressive behavior. From her 24 months we stopped screen time and started play school also. After 3 months of no screen, we saw improvement in her eye-contact but still name response was not there and she was not following any commands and pointing didn’t emerge.

We started OT and Speech therapy for past 4 months, and she continues to attend to play school. Now she responds to her name and pointing emerged but not completely. She responds to her name very well and toe walking stopped. She is able to follow the commands, and she socializes really well. She got good social smile. She knows to wave hands and give hi-fis, and she can understand 3 languages (30-40%). She got exposed to more language because of the environment she got stuck because of my work. Also, she started addressing me as mama. And she is blabbering a lot. Her sitting tolerance and attention have improved but still sometimes when she’s excited, she is flapping hands rarely.

But on communication side, she has very probably 5 words but a lot of meaningless blabbering. She also cries and getting frustrated to see her younger brother speaks proper words who is 10 months younger to her. With two kids around same age, I get anxious when the younger one started communicating but elder one is struggling. We are still continuing with the therapies but nowadays my daughter talking meaningful words or communicating in sentences is like a magic that will probably never happen. I am getting frustrated and losing hope day by day. Her speech therapist is also running out of options because my daughter enjoys OT sessions, and she tries every activity. But for speech only those meaning less words are still there. I feel scared when her 3rd birthday is approaching. It feels like never-ending marathon. Everyone is telling that I am spending my energy and resources on my daughter who would never improve and asking me to accept her as autistic and isolate her from social get together. But my daughter loves to meet people, and she enjoys every piece of it.

My younger also exposed to screentime but he seems okay. I am not sure why only my daughter is delayed. Please share your experiences.

Mang

Millie Toe

Hand flapping is categorized as an automatic response to specific triggers in a person’s environment. It is a physical response without deliberate thought.

Ang

Hi Robin,
My daughter was exposed to screens since birth. Not necessarily having her watch something for herself but screens on 24/7 in the 2 rooms she frequently was in and daily after 8 months or so Ms Rachel was a huge hit with her. Thinking I was helping her learn while I was busy. At her 18 month check up we are approached with autism(unofficial)and ear tubes since she suffered from a ear infections since 7 months old and speech delay. She babbled a little bit at first (said mom and dad) but for the most part a quiet baby. She eventually stopped babbling and here we are. Since she was sick alot I didn’t take her out with me due to trying to keep her healthy. So very little social interactions. I cut screens cold turkey the day of her apt and she has made a huge improvement. I am waiting on scheduling for ear tubes to see if that plays a role. However,I am wondering if virtual autism can make a child not understand what pointing means and not interested in peek a boo most of the time? She knows other non verbal communication like high five, she smiles when I smile at her and others, she laughs and smiles playing with other kids, she doesn’t misbehave alot, frustration with toys and some sounds on occasion, she vocalizes noises now and had no sounds 3 weeks ago. She gives kisses, claps, she wakes me up by rubbing my arms and throwing the blanket off of me. I sleep beside her where she can reach me when she wakes. I really just want to give her time before I allow an autistic diagnosis due to her screen exposure and ear infections. Do kids who are suffering virtual autism have limited expression and a hard time with non verbal communication? I am sorry if my questions are scattered that is hiw my brain feels lately. Scattered, confused and full of guilt. Thanks so much for your time, any help would be immensely appreciated and I am so happy I found this blog. Ang

Robin

Hello Ang,

Yes autistic symptoms from screens can present like how you are describing. I suggest you keep the no screens going while doing lots of high quality social interactions and sensory experiences with your daughter! To me it sounds like a combination of ear infections + a more mild case of screen induced autistic symptoms. This is “good” because it sounds like your daughter has a strong foundation of skills that did develop and have not been lost. Many children affected by this lose many of the skills you described your daughter as retaining. I am optimistic for you and your family!

The guilt– I know, it is crushing. All of us here have dealt with it. I think you realize you don’t have time to collapse under it now, your daughter needs you during this crucial window of time she has for recovery. My advice is to sit with your guilt in small servings, but don’t let it consume you. My son is now recovered, but even a few years later, I still can’t bring myself to look at baby photos of him… All I see is an innocent little baby that I feel like I failed to protect. But as time goes on and my son grows and learns and shines brighter and happier, my guilt shrinks. Yours will too one day.

Ang

Hi Robin, I appreciate your reply. You give me much hope. Since our dr apt and reality struck I have been playing with my daughter 90% of the day if I can’t be 100% there, but most days 100% while she is awake and engaging her socially with others her age at least 2x a week. Although my guilt is there I don’t let it interfere. You’re right my daughter needs me and she can’t afford for me to fail again. Since I initially posted my first comment here my daughter has also recovered her first word “momma”, she is working on dad, babbling “da” and attempting to say “uh oh” but it’s more of a two syllable sound with no clear pronunciation on the actual letter sounds. She had a Birth to three behavior evaluation and was considered atypical. Since that evaluation about 3 weeks ago she has met a few milestones that put her in that category. I am currently awaiting a speech evaluation and services to start.I wanted to ask you, what kind of sensory activities would be beneficial? I also make sure she goes outside every day if possible but generally at least 5x a week, depending on weather. This is where I need more support, I have never had to deal with sensory issues. Also, for socializing do you think 2x a week is enough or should I try for more? She does engage in peek a boo with me now and has learned to wave, when she wants to.

I am beyond thrilled that your son is fully recovered. That’s because you didn’t give up. Look at those beautiful baby pictures of him and be proud of yourself for doing what needed to be done for him. We are all human. Sometimes our mistakes are huge, but how we recover is most important.

Ang

Update: All autistic like symptoms have expired except occasionally (minimal) hand flapping when someone comes in the door or we are in the cold wind going into a store. Her gestures include, high 5, blowing kisses, waving, hand pointing, and “more” in sign language. She points to body parts and objects in a book. She uses 7 words in context. Ball, uh oh, yay,mom, dad, hop, and up. She is soft spoken. Ear surgery on the schedule for 1-14. She has speech and ot therapy and her therapists says she has excellent eye contact and attention. Her communication delay is our biggest hurdle. She has great receptive language but not declarative. We work hard everyday. She has almost hit all of her 2 year milestones with the exception of communication. She is 20 months now. Hope all is well with you and yours. Have a great Thanksgiving full of blessings!

savitha

my son is one year 9 months old he doesn’t speak he doesn’t point the things which wants he doesn’t respond he plays in his own world we stopped screen since two months. screen time is zero from two months. he stopped all the symptoms now but no social interaction no response.

please can you suggest something i m really in tension like day and nigh can not sleep.

Parmjit kaur

Hii savitha how’s ur baby now??

Nowrin

Hi. My daughter had even more than 8 hrs a day screen time or so since 5 month to till 3 years. I stopped screen time from 3 .now she is 3 years old n 8 month. Now she scripts whatever she watch TV shows so far, eye contact from 0 to 45 percent, sometimes she requests needs in 1 or 2 words, cry as tantrum If not getting anything, she laughs sometimes no reason. After no screen, she develops little eye contact, no toe walking as 10 percent only, no touching sensory, scripting to self talk. Plz advise anyone suffers from virtual autism has scripting and laughing issues?

Yashoda

Self laughing overcome? & what u did for this ?
My boy 2.5 yrs old having same issue.
Pls update.

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